Am I a guinea pig of some scientific project or some kind of political victim? I cannot figure it out. But all the transformations in me – physical, mental – I can’t say I’m not scared. Should I face them with fear or bravery or anger? Is there a purpose behind all these happenings? I’m confused! I want life to be simple. I’ll earn my living with what I’m good at. Why is my life suddenly turned complicated after my breakdown. Yes, I’m happy with what I can and am doing. But I believe I earn them – all the effort, all the hard work. Don’t give me the shit about if I’m not given the chance how I can achieve what I have. Haven’t I been through all these? I haven’t complained for a long time so why should I do it now? I want the truth.
I’m struggling with my health – the unbalancing, the funny and absurd feeling in most nights when I tried to sleep. Definitely I’m under some sort of control. Oh why start all these again?! Shouldn’t I be satisfied with what I’m able to do now?! Let it be or should find out why, may be the truth is too frightening.
Pieces of the puzzle have rained down on me these several decades and yet I cannot or I did not want to put them together. First I should deal with myself first, why the talking of love, of peace or any worldwide issues. If people want to destroy this earth because of greed, of hatred, of revenge – let it be. I’m just a piece of sand in the beach – my destiny lies together with billions of sand.
I’m struggling with my health – the unbalancing, the funny and absurd feeling in most nights when I tried to sleep. Definitely I’m under some sort of control. Oh why start all these again?! Shouldn’t I be satisfied with what I’m able to do now?! Let it be or should find out why, may be the truth is too frightening.
Pieces of the puzzle have rained down on me these several decades and yet I cannot or I did not want to put them together. First I should deal with myself first, why the talking of love, of peace or any worldwide issues. If people want to destroy this earth because of greed, of hatred, of revenge – let it be. I’m just a piece of sand in the beach – my destiny lies together with billions of sand.
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