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小女人

9/27/2015

老公病了！我這還是第一趟在飲食方面服侍了他一天。但很失敗，不知是我煮的東西難吃還是他因感冒沒胃口；我想两樣都有一點吧。

午餐的雞蛋蕃茄三文治的確做得不大好；決定晚餐下點心機弄點好吃的。餐單是瑤柱白粥、鹵水豆乾、蕃茄煮肉碎。我落了好一點功夫、好一點心思、加一點創作、預備了多一點時間；自已都頗滿意。但換來的是：〝為什麼粥這麽冷？吃了我胃不舒服。〞

我本來很不開心，但算吧，想起我那時在做肝炎丙狀治療的時期他怎樣照顧我 - 當我完全沒胃口的時候，他試了很多不同的食療但我也吃之無味，還恐嚇他若再煮魚肚湯我將不吃。

剛放下筆替他把剩下的粥熱了。他又左挑剔右挑剔，我只有忍。我在想可能我長大了，不計較了；但他又發脾氣。哈！可能他以為一個多年不大做家務的老婆要懺悔而突然對他那麽體貼，他便可來個大男人的姿態把我對待？！啊！我可不是個小女人呀！！！

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September 27th, 2015

9/27/2015

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My husband is sick! This is the first time I ever take up the work of looking after my sick husband who has, I believe, flu. I cook for him. It has always been he looking after me, and he does almost all the cooking.

I consider myself a failure: I do not know whether I’ve lost my cooking skill because I don’t usually cook now or because he has lost his appetite. I think may be a little bit of both.

Today’s lunch is not good, I confess. The egg and tomato sandwich is a little soggy, so I try to do a better dinner. I make some congee with dried scallop, soya sauce bean curd, minced pork cooked with tomato. I put in a little bit more of effort, a little bit more of time in preparation, a little bit more of thought, a little bit more of innovation…But what I get is, ‘Why is the congee so cold? My stomach feels bad after eating it. And the tomato with pork dish is too oily (although for the whole meal I have used less than one and a half table spoon of oil – he calls that too oily, ah!)’

Actually I’m not that happy but I do not say a word. Remember those days when I was having my Hepatitis C treatment (a total period of 48 weeks), he looked after me really well and he tried to cook tasty and healthy meals for me; but when I lost my appetite totally I threatened to not eat whatever he cooked, even the fish maw soup which was actually very nutritious and tasty.

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I just came back from heating the rest of the congee for him to finish writing this. He continues to be very picky. I decide to keep quiet. But he begins to have a bad temper again. Ha! He must be thinking what’s wrong with this woman who has not done much housework for a long time and is now so nice to me; she must be repenting for not being a good wife.

Oh dear, oh dear! He must be out of his mind to think he can now pose as a big husband in front of me showing me such attitude. But aye ya, do I have to remind him that I’m not his little woman!

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A crystal

9/19/2015

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She watches him while he is in deep thoughts. It is difficult to get his attention. She looks at him when he is writing. She does not want to disturb. She listens to him composing songs. She enjoys the whole process. She sees how he moves pots of plants, decorative items, furniture around to enhance the look of their home ever so often. She silently supports…

he hums like playing drum
he screams in his dreams
he stares and declares
the more he’s bored
he searches and nurtures
that’s what he is
a crystal among the crystals

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互聯網可令夫婦更融洽，又可調劑生活

9/17/2015

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昨天晚上，我和丈人有空便坐在電腦前挑一些音樂片段來看；有Sara Brightman 的, 有 Andre Rieu 的, Andrea Bocelli 的。大部份都是耳熟能詳，有古典的也有出自名歌劇的。大樂隊的演奏令我們聽著覺得感動。不單旋律優美，那由小而輕巧漸進大而輝煌，輕柔雄壯，互相交錯，美不勝收；鑼鼓助陣，聽得流汗。

就這樣欣賞了數小時，又高興又不花錢；大家的感情更進步，何樂而不為！

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A thought

9/14/2015

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Cooking

9/9/2015

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In my early teens there had been so many interesting things I could write about. Here is one – cooking for my brothers and sisters.

That evening nobody could cook for us. My parents had a dinner appointment and our amah went back to China for a holiday, so being the eldest I was required to do the cooking. I was actually quite happy and excited to do that.

The menu included fried fish. I had seen how it was like frying fish. The oil would splatter. In order not to be hurt by the oil I made some precautions. I wore a pair of sunglasses which was large enough to cover fully my eyes, covered my hair and brow with a shower cap, plastic gloves to protect my hands and a raincoat to finish the safety measures.

My brothers and sisters could not stop laughing when they saw my outfit and it had become something of amusement when brought up again.

I have become very fond of cooking when I had to cook for myself while studying in Sydney. When I became a housewife, this had helped me to get through depression as when we had guests, which was probably once or more a week, I could spend the whole day preparing for the cooking and forget about the loneliness embedded in me.

Now my husband has taken up almost all the cooking as he loves doing it more than I do. These days dinner parties are only for festivals. Since I now have found what I love doing most and that I have recovered from bipolar disorder I no longer feel lonely. I find myself very fortunate that someone has taken over my job and giving me more time for what I enjoy doing most.

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At the emergency room

9/7/2015

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It was Thursday again. We had finished our game of table tennis, and as usual we went for lunch. We were to meet at a yum char restaurant. My husbandand I and one of our friends arrived first, and waited for the others to turn up. I saw William rushing in, like a frightened child trying to tell us something horrible.At first, I couldn’t make head or tail of what he said. He speaks Mandarin, the official Chinese language; and I speak Cantonese, a Chinese dialect; they are similar enough but not quite the same. Then suddenly I understood, someone had a car accident, and I knew in my guts that it must be my teacher, my mentor, my good friend, Edmund. I kept asking William, ‘Is there blood? Is there blood?’ He replied in a high pitched voice and quickened words, ‘Yes, there is blood.’ Oh, blood! I was really worried. Now it was I who acted like a frightened child trying to keep up with William who was to take us to the accident scene.

By the time we arrived at the scene, at least two police cars, two fire engines, and an ambulance were there. Edmund’s car was badly damaged—the door on the driver’s side was particularly bad. Edmund was still in the driver’s seat. He was showered with broken glass, bleeding on one side of the head and bleeding on the arms and hands. The firemen were trying to get him out, assisted by two paramedics. The firemen cut out the door on the driver’s side of the car and the paramedics stabilized Edmund’s neck before they took him out. I stood nearby, helpless. Tears kept rolling down my face. I’ve only known Edmund for a little less than two years, and yet, he’s become so dear to me.

My husband knew that I was worried. He suggested that I went with Edmund in the ambulance and they would follow. Inside the ambulance, the paramedic started to do the routine check up, and asked the routine questions, which I was only able to answer a few. I have only known Edmund for less than two years! The standard questions such as, ‘What day it is? What is your name? Where do you live?’ were asked to check for concussion. Edmund had difficulty answering the questions. He had an operation on his larynx some years ago and he needs the aid of a battery-operated electro larynx machine to talk. He was fumbling around trying to find his machine to answer the questions. I helped when I could, trying to read his lips and to relay the message. On our way to the hospital, I touched Edmund’s forehead, his face and his shoulder and kept telling him that I was with him and he need not worry. I had held my grandmother’s hand when she was on her way for an operation, and Edmund is as dear to me as a grandfather could be.

When the ambulance arrived the Auckland Hospital, Edmund was rushed to the Resus Room of the emergency department. He was at once attended by at least seven or eight hospital staff. Again I was asked questions about Edmund which I was not able to answer. I only knew his address and name. When I was watching these people working on Edmund, my emotional chord struck again and I couldn’t control the tears. There is a Chinese saying, ‘Women are made of water’, and I must be full of it.

After a flurry of action, the radiographer was called in to take x-rays. Then gradually the doctor, the surgeon and most of the nurses left, leaving only one nurse to look after him. I was told that he now had to wait for the CT scan to make sure that he did not have a broken neck. I went over to chat with him and I was relieved that he did not seem to have a concussion. Since the accident, the upsurge of adrenaline had kept me alert and my muscles were tightened like a stretched rubber band. Now that there seemed to be no imminent danger my adrenaline began to deplete and I started to feel tired. I went to the waiting room to rest and saw my husband and my friends waiting there to hear about Edmund’s condition. My husband gave me a nut bar, which was very thoughtful of him. We went to lunch and came back finding that Edmund, very fortunately, did not have a broken neck.

Edmund had Larynx Cancer when he was 50 years old. He was given radiotherapy and he thought that he was cured. Five years later, the disease returned and he had to have an operation and thus now needs a machine to help him talk. When I first met him I was not that keen to talk to him as I found it difficult to understand his mono tone. After I came to know him better I became fonder and fonder of him. He is quite a legendary person to me. He is not only a cancer survivor but he is someone who loves life. I once tried to kill myself because I have mental illness and I was sick of the side effect of my medication.I drank caustic powder and I needed an operation to replace my oesophagus. He has a problem with his throat and I have a problem with my throat too. He has reparations from the operation and I too suffer from the aftermath of the operation.The difference is he has no choice, he does not choose to have cancer but I chose to end my life. Of course, now, I too am a survivor and I too love life.

He is kind, does not take things for granted, always apologetic, humble, has good manners, respectful… He is a scholar. He is an artist. He learned fencing, Tai Chi, Martial Art and Yoga when he was young. He is also a Feng Shui guru.He still practises Tai Chi and Yoga. I have never known a person with so many talents but he is one even though it may be difficult to believe. When he knew that I wanted to learn painting, Chinese calligraphy, he offered to teach me.

Before the accident, we met several times a week. We belong to a group of volunteers, coaching special needs children table tennis, every Tuesday. OnThursdays we play table tennis; on some Sundays I go to his place for lessons, and it is always interesting to listen to his past and present. It is sad that his wife died several years ago and he is now by himself, but he has quite a lot of good friends who enjoy looking after him. Now at the age of eighty-six he still coaches children table tennis and still loves life.

I saw him teach a child with special need to play table tennis. He did not have to use words but he used body language instead—he held up the second and third fingers and pointed them towards his eyes and then to the ball which indicated that the child should watch the ball, focused and then hit it. His method of teaching aroused my admiration for this elderly gentleman. He is not only clever but he puts his heart in everything he does and nothing can stop him.

Very luckily he is a survivor again this time—with six fractured ribs and some superficial injuries which will heal in time. Last time when I visited him he proclaimed that he couldn’t wait to be back at the table tennis table again which will probably be in two months’ time. At his age—eighty-five—he is really fortunate to be able to recover so soon, thanks to his Tai Chi and yoga which he does every day that keep him fit.

When I was at the Resus Room, worrying about Edmund, wondering if he would be all right, I realised exactly how my loved ones must have felt that nightwhen I was taken to the emergency ward after I drank caustic powder. I, too, very luckily have survived and I have learned to treasure my life and all that I have—especially those who love me!

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小女人

September 27th, 2015

A crystal

互聯網可令夫婦更融洽，又可調劑生活

A thought

Cooking

At the emergency room

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